Parents should grow up together with their children gradually
（Wednesday）
请父母和孩子一起慢慢成长
Two days ago, I was invited to have dinner with my senior college. On Sunday, I set out to her home with the gifts at 16:00. As the sister said, the family is of six members, her, her husband, her son who is three years old, her husband’s mother and father and the nurse. When I arrived, I found all the family members were sitting in the living room. However, everyone was just occupied with themselves as the TV was on. The grandparents were busy with their pad and mobile and watched TV once in a while. The sister and the nurse were preparing the dinner. Dudu’s father was just sitting freely on the sofa with scanning news with cellphone. So Dudu was playing with the toys all by himself. Suddenly, Dudu found out something special. He rushed to his father and tried to tell him. But the father rejected that daddy was busy reading the news and you could go for your mummy. Then, Dudu ran to his mummy and asked her to guess what did he discover few minutes ago. Surprisingly, the mother also turned him down with the reason that mummy was busy making preparations for the dinner. Later, the mother told her son to share with his grandparents. Finally, Dudu just went back to his bedroom slowly with lowing his head and grasping the toys tightly in hands and he slammed the door.
前两天受邀去同事姐姐家里吃晚饭，周日下午四点就拎着自己选好的礼物往她家奔去。她家目前六口人，姐姐、姐夫、三岁的嘟嘟、公公、婆婆和保姆。到了她家就发现虽然大家都坐在客厅，可是大家各忙各的、乐此不疲。客厅电视开着，公公婆婆一个人拿平板一个人拿手机偶尔看看电视，姐姐和保姆在旁边做晚餐准备，姐夫坐在沙发上抱着手机看新闻，而孩子嘟嘟一个人在旁边玩玩具。突然，嘟嘟发现什么想要告诉他爸爸—爸爸，你看一下，姐夫回答道爸爸现在在看新闻没时间，你去找妈妈。嘟嘟跑向妈妈喊着妈妈你猜猜我发现了什么，没想到姐姐竟然也这样回答妈妈现在要准备晚饭，没时间你去找爷爷奶奶好不好。最后，嘟嘟低着头抓紧手中的玩具慢慢地走向自己的房间并听到了关门的声音。
In our daily life, these alike images just are to be shown in different families. But the parents just pay no attention to those. They ignore their negligence and neglect the children’s sensitive heart. The parents are too mean to take little notice of their children. On the contrary, some parents are proud of being the best ever parents with presenting them with the most delicious foods, the most splendid clothes and the most amazing toys. But, the children are just the same like the adults. In addition to material necessities, they also have spiritual needs and they need to be cared, recognized and respected.
现实生活中，这样的画面经常在不同的家庭上演，可是父母却是直接忽略，忽略自己的失职，忽略孩子敏感的内心。就只是给孩子一个关注而已，父母却是那么的吝啬。然而很多父母却很自豪，觉得自己把全世界上最美味的食物、最华丽的衣服、最绚丽的玩具放在孩子的面前，他们就是最好的父母。可是，孩子跟成年人一样，除了物质需求也有精神需求，需要被关注、被认可、被尊重。
At present, there are smartphone addicts whenever the parents are at home or not. Some children are dying for getting together with their parents to do playing or just sit together silently. However, they find that it is hard to realize their little wish. For various reasons, it is the fact that parents spend little time with their children, let alone their genuine gathering time. Instead, the grandparents or nurses stay together with the children. There is no doubt that they could take care of the children. However, could they take the place of the parents in children’s inner heart or could they bear the main responsibility to educate the kids?
现在，有的家长出门“低头族”回家更是“低头族”，有的小孩渴望跟家长一起玩耍或者仅仅只是默默在一起，但是发现这个小小的愿望很难实现。出于各种原因，目前的现状是父母跟孩子在一起的时间很少，真正呆在一起的时间更少，取代的是跟爷爷奶奶、外公外婆甚至是保姆待在一起。他们可以照顾孩子，但是可以取代孩子心目中爸爸妈妈的位置吗？或者取代他们对孩子的教育主导作用吗？
Of course no, it is impossible. As you see, the parents occupy the very unique position in children’s heart which is none to second. Recently, I just read a book—Take Your Time, My Babies which is written by Lung Ying-tai. At this moment, I believe that we should not only tell our children to take their time but also inform the parents to take their time. All the parents should take easy and grow up together with their children!
不会，不可能，父母在孩子的生命中占据着独一无二的位置。龙应台女士有一本著作《孩子你慢慢来》，我觉得不只应该对孩子说孩子慢慢来，更应该对家长说父母也要慢慢来，与孩子一起慢慢成长。
When some parents hang out to the amusement park with their children for the first time, some children would feel frightened and panic. The most parents and family members think little of them and regard them as coward. But, the adults will make preparations to adapt the new environment before they go out for someplace new. The adults do that, not to mention the children that they are young and fresh to the new situation. The children need time to get with the changes and build up a sense of security. As yourselves, the parents do nothing to support your kids and leave them alone when they are afraid of the surrounding. Instead, they would rather chat or play outside than offer a helping hand.
有的父母第一次带孩子去游乐园玩儿，有一些孩子会比较害怕，大多数家长或是家里其他人评价孩子太没用，胆子这么小！可是，如果大人去一个陌生的地方，他们一般会提前做功课需要时间适应过渡。大人们都这样，孩子那么小他也需要时间去适应新环境，慢慢建立起对这个新环境的安全感。与其指责孩子，家长不如扪心自问在孩子害怕的时候自己是否做了什么去帮助孩子适应新环境，而不只是孩子在里面一个人孤军奋战而你们却在外面抱着手机玩耍或者开心的聊天。
Surprisingly, some dads reply their kids with abusing when asking a question such as the following words—You are so stupid that this question is very easy and simple to handle. After establishing the above words, does the dad think it over and over time?As a dad and mature adult, you must find out that it is easy based on your present knowledge and IQ. But, if you were a student as your children, and you would not consider it as easy any more. There is a serious question that how can the dad answer in that way. If someone answers you the same way that the dads do, most of the dads will be unhappy and angry. Why are they doing like that to hurt their children? Why not just grow up with the children slowly and make them become great one day?
还有的孩子做作业的时候有一个不懂的题目问爸爸，爸爸说你怎么这么笨，这么简单、这么容易！可是，爸爸有没有想过你觉得简单是基于你现在的年龄和智商，如果回到过去，这个爸爸不一定觉得简单。为什么要以这种方式回应孩子，如果自己问别人问题，别人这样回答自己，自己会开心吗？自己也会不开心，为什么要这样伤害孩子。就不能一起和孩子慢慢来，让一颗小树苗长成参天大树！
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There is no exaggeration that the accumulated above examples have bad influence on personality development. Even, the children maybe cause personality disorder and ruin their whole life! Lately, there is an example taken from a TV series that the daddy treats his daughter very cruel. When the girl makes mistake, the dad just abuses her and breaks off all relationships with her. The girl is lonely to be cared by him. Many years later, the girl lives a wonderful life and the dad wants to know her back. However, the daughter just replies that I am an adult at present but not a juvenile who needs to be taken care of any more. Even though the girl makes a good living, there is psychological shadow in her heart that she doesn’t how to love someone and how to be loved.
毫不夸张的是，这些事情的累积的最后就是造成孩子性格缺失甚至会形成有人格障碍，最后会影响孩子的一生！最近的一部电视剧里，爸爸在女儿做错的事情的时候咒骂并且抛弃女儿，完全不给女儿一点关爱。多年以后，爸爸想认回现在一个人好好生活的女儿，女儿回答说现在我不是需要照顾的未成年人！尽管女儿好好生活，但是她不知道如何爱一个人也不知道如何被爱，其实还是有心理阴影的！
When the kids first come to the world which is a whole new world, they need some could be patient and compassionate to lead and tolerate them. As freshmen, there are too many things for them to learn and practice. At the meanwhile, the parents are mostly their first trying without any experience or skill. Instead, they just follow their instincts.Being the freshmen, the children couldn’t do anything wrong. Being the first time parenthood, they couldn’t do anything right. So both of them need time to learn and practice. They should take easy and grow up together with slowing down.
孩子是第一次来到世上，他们需要有人能够有耐心的、有爱心的引导包容他们，很多东西他们需要先学习而获得某种或多种技能，而父母大多数都是第一次当父母，没有什么经验或者技能可言，大多数凭着自己的本能当父母。第一次的孩子不可能什么都是错的，第一次的父母也不可能什么都是对的，所以孩子和父母都需要放慢脚步慢慢来，一起成长！
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