读后续写人与自然热点话题:刀下救鸡 动物类续写语料汇总
作者:山东省潍坊一中 王春成老师
《夏洛的网》是一部描写关于友情的童话,在朱克曼家的谷仓里,小猪威尔伯和蜘蛛夏洛建立了最真挚的友谊。威尔伯的生命有危险时,看似渺小的夏洛用自己的力量救了威尔伯,但,这时,蜘蛛夏洛的生命却走到了尽头……
作者用童话的叙事风格表现出对生命本身的赞美与眷恋,给了我们关于生命的深沉的思索。
刀下救鸡 / 护鸡行动
(广东二模)
阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。
It all began when my younger brother, Chris, and I went over to Uncle Howard’s for Thanksgiving. When we finally got to my uncle’s, Chris and I went outside to see if Uncle Howard needed help with anything. Since Chris was only nine, he got the easier job of cleaning up the watering cans. I was twelve, old enough to help load the wheelbarrow (手推车). But we still found time to ask Uncle Howard a lot of questions about turkeys. He must have been impressed, because when we were finished, he winked at my dad and handed us one turkey egg.(划线句为伏笔)
“You kids put this under a hatching hen,” he said, “and in twenty-five days, you’ll have a fine turkey!” Chris was so excited that he nearly dropped the egg on the way home. Dad put the egg under an old hen, and every day Chris and I would check to see if it had hatched yet. Twenty-five days seemed like forever. Finally, on the twenty-sixth day, Chris and I walked into the coop (鸡舍) after school to find the old hen scratching on the floor. Behind her was one ball of fluff (绒毛), falling over its feet and looking sort of confusion. When it got older, we could tell that it was a tom. We named it Timothy.(伏笔句)
Timothy grew and grew, dashing towards the feed we threw out. He liked to wander in the woods and find tasty berries and weed seeds. Mom kept telling us not to get too attached to Timothy, because we were going to have him for Thanksgiving. But we never paid too much attention to what that really meant. (伏笔句)
Then, one day toward the end of October, Dad gave Chris and me instructions. “I want you to start giving him corn along with his regular feed,” he said. “We want a nice, thick-fleshed bird for Thanksgiving.” After Dad turned and walked away, Chris’s face began to wrinkle, just as it does before he starts to cry. (伏笔句)
I comforted Chris, saying we could hide Timothy where people couldn’t find him.
With Timothy gone, Uncle Howard provided another turkey on Thanksgiving.
关键词以及情节思路(why/how/what...):
步骤一:读伏笔:(和学生一起找原文的重要信息和伏笔点)
P1. Chris, I, Uncle Howard —Thanksgiving; handed us one turkey egg
P2. have a fine turkey, Christ was so excited, we named it Timothy(给小鸡起了名字说明我们对它的喜爱)
P3. Mom — kept telling us not to get too attached to Timothy(重要伏笔)
We — never paid too much attention to what that really meant
P4. Dad — want a nice, thick-fleshed bird for Thanksgiving
Chris — wrinkle, cry
步骤二:思首句(指导学生会去通过对首句的思考获取续写的思路)
思考一:我能安慰Chris,说明我比较冷静,办法比较多
思考二:hide 鸡是被藏起来(不想让父母知道;放生是否合理?;藏鸡成功)
思考三:where哪里是找不到的呢?(床底;房间角落;谷仓;灌木丛;森林;山洞;朋友家;临时搭建了个窝;叔叔家等,哪些是合理的呢?
思考一:What does gone mean? (died / killed错误; lost /disappeared错误;hidden正确)
步骤三:立衔接(指导学生要构建续写两段的衔接性,也就是第一段的最后和第二段的首句要协同)
步骤四:升主题(从语篇的角度整体构建合理的主题,体现主旨)
学生续写逻辑上的问题其实就是前文伏笔没有读好,没有通过主旨建构整个故事。
1.伤心地吃了三大碗
2.踹了Timothy一脚,喊着“Run,quickly”
3.吃了火鸡太幸福了,这真是一个快乐的感恩节
4.把火鸡打扮一番,修剪翅膀和羽毛,哇,活脱脱的一只企鹅
5.藏在床底,盖上很多衣服,用胶水把嘴给糊上
6.叔叔又送来了一只火鸡,太幸福了,有两只火鸡陪着我过感恩节
7.我们正在吃饭的时候听到了敲门声,打开门一看,是Timothy站在门外
8.我们把火鸡放到野外让他回归大自然
9. 我drag火鸡就跑
学生优秀范文赏析
范文赏析与点评
狗
1. The little dog was half awake, growling with soft voice. No amount of surprise and happiness could compare tohis look upon seeing the cute pup.(专题:人狗情未了——Randy的重生)
2. It was hiding in one corner of the box, with a curious look in its eyes. Wagging its tail, it tried to climb out of the box, but it fell down back, unable to stand up. Cheerful and a little nervous, Poppy kept running and barking at the new family member. Poppy threw herself at him and licked his hand and face excitedly, her eyes sparkling with delight and her tail wagging furiously. There was a cute puppy beside Poppy, biting, growling and wagging its tail. (专题:人狗情未了——给Poppy找朋友)
3. When tears welled up and blurred my vision, I could feel her cheek leaning against my feet. Glancing at her sad brown eyes, I knew she could understand my feelings. Time flew by bitterly, but I enjoyed Misty's company.(专题:人狗情未了——遛狗)
4. He sniffed it eagerly, bushy tail wagging. He licked me. 'Bama' returned, bonding us with new friends and helping us go through the darkest time of my life. (专题:人狗情未了——Bama再现)
熊
1. Its ears were pinned back. The bear opened its mouth and I grasped its fur, trying to push it away. I was actually wrestling (扭打) with the bear at this point. My arm could not move, and I sensed that my bones were going to break. Its huge head was level with my chest and shoulders. (专题:熊出没——熊口逃生)
2. He exposed his sharp teeth, glaring at us as he ran forward. And again the bear stood to his back legs, wanting to tear the fence like a monster. It seemed that his mouth was full of blood and his eyes were red with anger. He looked irritated and charged at us again. (专题:熊出没——熊口脱险)
3. Unfortunately, the bear rushed to him. Colin was pushed to the ground and bitten in the left leg. “Ah!” he screamed with the unbearable pain. Blood flowing out, Colin suddenly remembered the knife in his pocket. He stabbed the bear's neck as fast and strong as possible. The bear roared with pain and ran away. (专题:熊出没——人熊大战)
蛇
As soon as the curtain was torn off / pulled down, he threw it to the snake as quickly as possible, covering it from head to tail. The snake was wriggling / winding its body in the curtain, which made the frightened family trembling in panic. (专题:人兽“大战”——蛇口脱险)
猫
2. Upon arrival, the body peered straight at Stevie, who meowed happily. The little boy couldn't help wrapping Stevie in his arms, stroking it back softly. 'Stevie' could mean the whole world to a little boy. Pets are to us what water is to fish. They light up our spirits and heal our weak hearts. Animals can indeed light a lamp and warm a heart.(专题:喵星人——自病症男孩与喵星人)
3. Mr.Quimby looked around, finding Picky-picky under the kitchen table, who meowed happily and enjoyed the pumpkin. But when they took a closer look, they found a different work of art with paw prints decorating everywhere. Laughter crept upon their faces and what an unforgettable day it was. (专题: 喵星人——淘气的喵星人)
狼
小鸟
1. The bird did not move until Ben came close. Then it tried to fly away, but one wing was broken. Ben lifted the bird and held it close against his body. The bird fought to escape, but soon lay quietly in Ben's arms. (专题:人兽大战——猎人与小鸟)
2. (孟戎宬)Silently, he tip toed to the grass, finding that a bird was helplessly flapping its wings but failed to fly. He took the bird in his hands, stroking its feather, but had no idea how to help with it, sympathetically. Seeing the bird weakly opening its mouth, Ben's heart broke into fragments.
遇见松鼠
(金考卷)
Melia and her father had just finished building a tree house in the backyard. Melia wanted to decorate the walls, and instead of buying things, she decided to make her own art.
Melia enjoyed making collages (拼贴画)using a combination of photos she had taken and pieces of fabric. For her tree house, she thought she would use pictures from magazines instead. She could collect used magazines from neighbors, so the pictures would be free. And to create a collage of all her favorite things, she could add pretty leaves, and fruits of pine trees from the yard.
For several days, Melia collected bits of nature to use for the collage. She also collected magazines from the neighbors. She piled both at the front door, as her plan was to make the collage over the weekend. Oddly, though she added to the piles each day, many of the leaves were gone, and the pile of magazines was a mess.
“Dad? Mom?” Melia asked. “Have either of you been taking the supplies for my collage off the door?” “No, why on earth would we do that?” her dad answered with a question. “I don't know, but what I do know is that someone is spoiling my art project! It's my mission to find out who and why!” Melia decared.
Who would want to steal this stuff? She had a plan. She cleaned up the rest of the leaves and threw the ruined magazines in the recycling bin. She started collecting old magazines again, hoping to set a trap. Even if she had to stay up all night, Melia was determined to solve the case.
Once she had collected a large pile of magazines, Melia formed several piles at the front door. She placed them close to the window so that she could catch the thief. She asked her parents if she could sleep on the sofa. 'I know they're used magazines, but I need them for my art project. I have to solve this case!'
Melia was determined to catch the thief, but she had a difficult time staying awake. Within a few hours, she nodded off. Just as the sun was rising, a slight sound awoke her.
注意:
1. 续写词数应为150左右;
2. 请按如下格式作答。