读后续写微技能：避开“对话”五大误区（文稿 课件）
今日回看，还是很有借鉴意义，另做了配套课件。前面为文本，后为转化后的课件。欢迎各位老师将本台内容做成课件，重返平台。但请注意版权意识，标注来源，请勿将原创内容当作自己的转投他处。
有关对话，还有：
原文回顾：
读后续写对话中的常见误区
“Hey, how are you?” “I’m fine, how are you?”
“How is the weather?” “Terrific! Nice day for a walk, isn’t it?”
评析：这样的对话在现实生活中很真实，但是小说毕竟是艺术加工，无助情节推动的，不能刻画人物性格的日常寒暄和偏离文章主线的对话绝对不用。
“That is fantastic news,” he said happily.
评析：此句中完全没有必要加上一个happily来表达说的方式，因为句中的fantastic一词足以说明说话人了表情，过度强调dialogue tags 会让读者的注意力集中在“说话的方式”而不是“说话的内容”。
建议改为：“That is fantastic news！” he said/screamed/exclaimed. (一个感叹号和一个fantastic已经足以让读者想象当时的情景。适当的“艺术留白”也是需要的，这样会留给读者想象的空间。
还有一种避免过度的dialogue tags的方法是运用“动作描写”来取而代之。
如：Her eyes reflected the candlelight as she smiled at her son. “Everyone is unique. Just follow your heart and be yourself!”
'I can't believe it,' Emma gasped.
'That's hilarious,' Henry chuckled.
评析：以上两句话也是我在大量的学生习作甚至是范文中发现的。这里把动作描写和dialogue tags 混淆了，试想谁能gasp（喘息）、chuckle（轻笑）出一句话？除非他或她有特异功能。
纠正方法如下：
'I can't believe it,' Emma said with a gasp.
（Question tag+ with介词短语）
Emma gasped. 'I can't believe it.'
（动作描写+句号）
'I can't believe it.' Emma gasped.
（对话句断+动作描写）
'That's hilarious!' Henry chuckled.
（感叹句结束+动作描写）
'That's hilarious,' Henry said, chuckling.
（Question tag+ 分词做伴随状况）
请特别关注以上对话的标点。
“I told you already,” I said, glaring.
评析：此句貌似豪华，其实对话中的主语“I”已经清晰地说明了说话者，完全没有必要用question tag“I said” 来说明说话对象。纠正方法：加上一点动作描写就可以避免这种错误，并且提升语言的生动性。
I glared at him. “I told you already.”
“How can you do this？”she said angrily，looking at me furiously.
评析：此句也是貌似“高大上”，使用了大量副词，并且套用了分词做伴随的句型。任何方面都有度，过之而不及。过度堆砌辞藻会让人生厌，过度使用副词也会让阅卷老师觉得你词汇贫乏，非得用副词才能表达出来。
2大纠正办法：
1）积累相关的 show 的词汇来避免过度使用副词
2）穿插动作描写辅助对话，刻画人物心情
试比较以下两句：
“That’s not what you said yesterday,” she said, her voice implying she was withdrawing.
“That’s not what you said yesterday.” She hesitated, turned and walked to the window.
评析：两句话粗看都是相当不错。无论从词汇和语法结构的使用似乎都属于上乘之作。但细细琢磨下面这句反而更高一筹。原因是，第一句用了imply 和withdraw 两词来tell说话者she的心情，而第二句hesitate 和后面的动作描写让她的犹豫心情跃然纸上。小说故事要的就是这种show的方式。
分析对话实例，揭示对话秘诀
Example 1
原文内容：作者爸爸在阳台种植康乃馨，悉心呵护，作者一家都非常喜欢这些花。爸妈再三强调不允许作者和他姐姐不能触碰这些花。
To our surprise, Dad was mad about it, yelling at us, “ Don’t you know touching is not allowed? What on earth have you done?”
赏析：反义疑问句和on earth 的使用加强了语气，凸显了父亲的生气。
Example 2
原文内容：母亲去世，哥哥外出。父女相约吃饭， 引发了女儿对母亲和哥哥的思念，父亲读懂了女儿内心的想法，安慰女儿。母亲在天堂一定希望他们过得快乐，现在他们需要做的就是珍惜身边的人。
Seeing this, my father lovingly held my hands and said to me, “Sweetheart, I believe your mother must want you to live happily, so say goodbye to the past and embrace the present. Your brother and I will always be with you.”
赏析：情感类的对话要求感人，触及内心，这点此对话做的不错。但是小编也要对此对话提出点意见1）文中的and said to me 完全没有必要，因为对话对象非常清楚，肯定和我说。2）your mother 显得太疏远，亲人间相互称呼用Mom 即可，更显真实，贴近生活。
Example 3
原文内容：作者家突然停电，虽然弟弟觉得停电时间非常无聊，但是作者却非常享受停电时间，享受“没有现代电子科技带来的干扰”的宁静片刻。
Bzzz! The lights return. “ Yeah, no more candles!” My mother yells, pulling me away from my fantasy.
赏析：对话简洁自然，表达了说话者恢复用电时候的兴奋，对话外面的dialogue tag也很出色，分词的使用既丰富了语言也推动了情节的进一步发展。
Example 4
原文内容：主人公Jenny 通过自身的劳动获得了心爱的项链，形影不离。父亲每日给她讲睡前故事。父亲故意试探女儿，问是否可以把项链给他。Jenny深爱爸爸但不舍自己努力得来的项链。
A week later, her father once again asked Jenny after her story. “ Jenny, you love me, don’t you? Give me your pearls, okay? “ Daddy, why must you ask for the pearls?” Jenny refused again. “ Not only did I finish all those chores, but also I spent the dollar bill given for my birthday just to pay for it.”They both fell into silence. Then her father smiled，comforting her with a warm hug. “ That’s okey, darling. Good night.”
Several days later, when Jenny’s father came in to read her a story as usual, he was surprised to find something under the story book, which turned out to be the necklace. “ Daddy, now you can have it.” Jenny raised her head, “ You know, I love you.” Her father was moved beyond words. Slowly, he pulled something out of his pocket. It was a pretty necklace with real pearls shining. “The more you are willing to give, the more you are likely to receive. That’s the real meaning of sharing and giving.” Her father helped Jenny put on the necklace . “ You know, I love you, little one.”
赏析：此文运用了大量的对话，主要是考虑到与前文的协同。大量的父女间的对话穿插一些旁白或动作描写很好地刻画了人物之间的冲突，细腻生动地刻画了人物心情。一般的读后续写不建议用太多的对话。适当的对话可以打破单调，推动情节，刻画人物性格。对于此文中的对话，小编也想提出点个人的意见：1）“ Not only did I finish all those chores, but also I spent the dollar bill given for my birthday just to pay for it.” 此句似乎为了使用not only…, but also 的倒装句型而写对话，显得很不自然。语句太长反而不能表达小女孩当时的生气。建议改为: “ It’s mine! My efforts!” 反而显得简洁自然，同样达到了效果，符合人在生气时候的说话方式：短句！不完整句！2） 还有一处标点的使用也有误。请看：Jenny raised her head, 此处的逗号要改为句号。只能作为动作描写，而不是question tag。
Example 5
原文内容： 这是一个哲理故事，讲述一位商人儿子去向智者寻找快乐秘诀。智者让年轻人带着两汤勺油绕城一周不能将油洒落。智者待年轻人回来后问他是否欣赏到城堡的美景，年轻人哑口无言。然后智者重新让这年轻人带着两勺油绕城一周，结果……
“ But where are the two drops of oil I gave you?” asked the wise man. Embarrassed again, the young man apologized, “ I had forgotten the sp totally. My only concern was the attractive sights.” “ But you have got the happiness.” Smiled the wise man…
“ But where are the two drops of oil I gave you?” asked the wise man. He lowered his head and found that there was nothing left in his spoon, astonished and embarrassed. Then the wise man smiled generously, “I don’t blame you. I just want you to realize the secret of happiness yourself. Now, could you tell me about your thoughts?” The young man thought for a while and slowly replied, “ the truth of happiness is holding our dreams tightly but never failing to watch the beautiful scenery around us.”
赏析：此文的对话主要是用来揭示故事的寓意，通常出现在故事的末尾。这样的对话一定要写出深度厚度，才能博得老师的高分。建议可以使用强调句。此文中也有一个标点瑕疵。请看：Then the wise man smiled generously, 此句的逗号也要改为句号，作为动作描写穿插其中，而不是question tag 。
配套课件
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