录取哈佛的中国学生文书写了什么?10篇最新的哈佛成功申请文书!

在申请剧增的情态下,美国顶尖大学的门槛越筑越高。
在有限的申请材料中,如何让招生官透过文字就对你产生兴趣,一封诚意满满的申请文书就显得十分关键。
今年,哈佛大学(Harvard University)从57,435名学生中总共录取了1,968人最终录取率为3.43%。比去年的4.92%,又下降了近1.5个百分点。
在上万份申请文书中,什么样的故事可以打动哈佛招生官,大家又是如何通过文书博得招生官眼球的呢?
今日,哈佛大学的校报公布了最新的“2021年10篇成功申请哈佛的优秀申请文书范例”。
10位成功录取哈佛的同学,在文书中分享了自己的故事。
其中,不仅有一位中国学生的文书写了关于书法的话题,吸引了招生官的注意,还有一位同学分享了自己在北京坐地铁的经历。
每一篇文书的话题都很有意思,并且读上去都非常引人入胜。而每一篇文章的最后,也有专业的文书点评,让大家可以清晰地看出文章精彩之处,以及招生官员们被打动的点在哪。
还在发愁写文书没有方向的同学,赶紧来看看上岸哈佛的学长学姐的精彩故事吧!
#01
首先,我们来看看来自Jiafeng的申请文书。

从拼音名字和文书内容上,我们可以看出这位学生有中国的背景。
Jiafeng同学的这篇文书内容主题是书法,谈及楷书、行书、草书这些美国人不熟悉的概念,而成功脱颖而出。通过描写自己对书法的偏爱,侧面展现了他在追求知识的无限乐趣。
Jiafeng
申请文书原文

*上下滑动查看

I have a fetish for writing.

I'm not talking about crafting prose or verses, or even sentences out of words. But simply constructing letters and characters from strokes of ink gives me immense satisfaction. It's not quite calligraphy, as I don't use calligraphic pens or Chinese writing brushes; I prefer it simple, spontaneous, and subconscious. I often find myself crafting characters in the margins of notebooks with a fifty-cent pencil, or tracing letters out of thin air with anything from chopsticks to fingertips.

The art of handwriting is a relic in the information era. Why write when one can type? Perhaps the Chinese had an answer before the advent of keyboards. “One's handwriting,” said the ancient Chinese, “is a painting of one's mind.” After all, when I practice my handwriting, I am crafting characters.(中国古人说:“书法是心之画。” 所以,当我练习书法时,我是在塑造人物性格)

My character.

I particularly enjoy meticulously designing a character, stroke by stroke, and eventually building up, letter by letter, to a quote person­alized in my own voice. Every movement of the pen and every drop­let of ink all lead to something profound, as if the arches of every "m" are doorways to revelations. After all, characters are the build­ing blocks of language, and language is the only vehicle through which knowledge unfolds. Thus, in a way, these letters under my pen are themselves representations of knowledge, and the delicate beauty of every letter proves, visually, the intrinsic beauty of know­ing. I suppose handwriting reminds me of my conviction in this vi­sual manner: through learning answers are found, lives enriched, and societies bettered.

Moreover, perhaps this strange passion in polishing every single character of a word delineates my dedication to learning, testifies my zeal for my conviction, and sketches a crucial stroke of my character.

"We--must--know ... " the mathematician David Hilbert's voice echoes in resolute cursive at the tip of my pen, as he, addressing German scientists in 1930, propounds the goal of modern intellectu­als. My pen firmly nods in agreement with Hilbert, while my mind again fumbles for the path to knowledge.

The versatility of handwriting enthralls me. The Chinese devel­oped many styles -- called hands -- of writing. Fittingly, each hand seems to parallel one of my many academic interests. Characters of the Regular Hand (kai shu), a legible script, serve me well during many long hours when I scratch my head and try to prove a mathematical statement rigorously, as the legibility illuminates my logic on paper. Words of the Running Hand (xing shu), a semi-cursive script, are like the passionate words that I speak before a committee of Model United Nations delegates, propounding a decisive course of action: the words, both spoken and written, are swift and coherent but resolute and emphatic. And strokes of the Cursive Hand (cao shu) resemble those sudden artistic sparks when I deliver a line on stage: free spontaneous, but emphatic syllables travel through the lights like rivers of ink flowing on the page.

Yet the fact that the three distinctive hands cooperate so seamlessly, fusing together the glorious culture of writing, is perhaps a fable of learning, a testament that the many talents of the Renaissance Man could all be worthwhile for enriching human society. Such is my methodology: just like I organize my different hands into a neat personal style with my fetish for writing, I can unify my broad interests with my passion for learning.

“...We -- will -- know!” Hilbert finishes his adage, as I frantically slice an exclamation mark as the final stroke of this painting of my mind.

I must know: for knowing, like well-crafted letters, has an inherent beauty and an intrinsic value. I will know: for my versatile interests in academics will flow like my versatile styles of writing.

I must know and I will know: for my fetish for writing is a fetish for learning.

文书点评

*上下滑动查看

Jiafeng's essay succeeds by using the metaphor of handwriting, and it's immense physical satisfaction, to showcase the unbounded pleasure of pursuing knowledge. We can visualize spontaneously crafted letters filling his notebooks. We see him trace Chinese characters into air by chopstick and fingertip. We learn that he expresses his innermost self through an art that has become a relic within the information age. As we peer into his mind, we learn something essential about Jiafeng's character–that he is irrepressibly drawn to the intricate beauty of pure learning.

Jiafeng goes on to reveal that his intellectual pursuit has been shaped by not one but three Chinese styles of handwriting, each reflecting a distinct element of his intellectual growth. We see Jiafeng's logic when engaged in mathematical proof, rhetorical flair when speaking before Model United Nations, and improvisational spark when delivering lines on stage. He presents these polymath pursuits as united by writing, indicating to readers that his broad interests are all an of the same principle of discovery. By the time readers finish Jiafeng's essay they have no doubts regarding the pleasure he derives from learning–they have experienced him enacting this celebration of thought throughout every line of this well-crafted personal statement.

#02
下一篇,是关于Alex同学在北京坐地铁的经历。
这篇文书其实是关于“外国人”身份认同的话题。文中不仅运用了中文,展示了他的语言能力,并且在论述中,展示了他极高的人文素养和阅读积累。
专家在点评中,表扬了Alex具备优秀的写作能力,并指出:“文书应该要让读者深入了解你,展示申请其他部分无法展示的方面,并提供一个关于你写作能力的例子。你应该要在文书中展示大学感兴趣的五项软技能,表明你有能力在顶尖大学成为一名优秀学生。”
Alex

申请文书原文

*上下滑动查看

I entered the surprisingly cool car. Since when is Beijing Line 13 air-conditioned? I'll take it. At four o'clock in the afternoon only about twenty people were in the subway car. “At least it's not crowded,” one might have thought. Wrong. The pressure of their eyes on me filled the car and smothered me. “看看!她是外国人!”(Look, look! She's a foreigner!) An old man very loudly whispered to a child curled up in his lap. “Foreigner,” he called me. I hate that word, “foreigner.” It only explains my exterior. If only they could look inside.…

They would know that I actually speak Chinese—not just speak, but love. They would know that this love was born from my first love of Latin—the language that fostered my admiration of all languages. Latin lives in the words we speak around the world today. And translating this ancient language is like watching a play and performing in it at the same time. Each word is an adventure, and on the journey through Virgil's Aeneid I found that I am more like Aeneas than any living, dead, or fictional hero I know. We share the intrinsic value of loyalty to friends, family, and society. We stand true to our own word, and we uphold others to theirs. Like Aeneas's trek to find a new settlement for his collapsed Troy, with similar perseverance I, too, wander the seas for my own place in the world. Language has helped me do that.

If these subway passengers understood me, they would know that the very reason I sat beside them was because of Latin. Even before Aeneas and his tale, I met Caecilius and Grumio, characters in my first Latin textbook. In translations I learned grammar alongside Rome's rich history. I realized how learning another language could expose me to other worlds and other people—something that has always excited me. I also realized that if I wanted to know more about the world and the people in it, I would have to learn a spoken language. Spanish, despite the seven years of study prior to Latin, did not stick with me. And the throatiness of French was not appealing. But Chinese, more than these other traditional languages, intrigued me. The doors to new worlds it could open seemed endless. Thus I chose Chinese.

If these subway passengers looked inside me, they would find that my knowledge of both Latin and Chinese makes me feel whole. It feels like the world of the past is flowing through me alongside the world of the future. Thanks to Latin, Chinese sticks in my mind like the Velcro on the little boy's shoes in front of me. If this little boy and his family and friends could look inside, they would understand that Latin laid the foundation for my lifelong commitment to languages. Without words, thoughts and actions would be lost in the space between our ears. To them, I am a foreigner, “外国人” literally translated as “out-of-country person.” I feel, however, more like an advena, the Latin word for “foreigner,” translated as “(one who) comes to (this place).” I came to this place, and I came to this country to stay. Unfortunately, they will not know this until I speak. Then once I speak, the doors will open.

文书点评

*上下滑动查看

Your college essay should serve two purposes: allow the reader to gain insights about you that they are not able to do in other parts of your application and provide an example of your writing abilities. To the former, you are hoping to demonstrate five soft skills that most colleges are at least implicitly interested in gleaning, those that indicate your capacity to be a good student at their institution.

Alex arrives at both goals in an interesting way. Without seeing the rest of her application, I can only assume that she is possibly interested in pursuing a major in a language (if she is pursuing a major in an applied math, this essay would be extremely interesting) and she has likely participated in some kind of team sport to demonstrate the soft skill of teamwork. To be honest, as someone who speaks five languages myself and studied Latin in undergrad, I don't necessarily agree with her assessment of the languages. BUT I'm interested. I want to keep reading. She isn't supposed to get everything right in this essay; she's supposed to demonstrate a capacity for learning. And she does that.

I want to keep reading because there is something she is saying about her identity--be it performative or actual--that I am curious about.With our work in college access and admissions, we've only worked in underserved communities, be they students of color or girls interested in STEM or first-generation college students or more. People make an assumption that we are exploiting these identities into sob stories that admissions readers will immediately hang on to. We're not doing that. We are encouraging students to write about something similar to what Alex did—describe how your identity has created a learning opportunity or a moment of resilience or determination. Alex seems like someone who is well resourced: her access to certain text; language curricula and the amount of time she spent studying those languages; even her sentence structure, gives that away. But her openness to adapt with humility is a critical skill that is so necessary to be a great student, and unfortunately a skill that many students miss.

For the second goal, she does a tremendous job of demonstrating her writing abilities. Her sentence structures are varied and there aren't egregious mistakes in grammar and spelling. The last two sentences of the second paragraph sold me on her skill-level and personhood. I also really appreciated that she wasn't shying away from what she has been able to access as far as her schooling. Alex is smart, witty, and well-traveled, and you're going to know it. I love that.

The essay works as an introduction to who she is and her soft skills, as well as a demonstration of her writing abilities.

#03
另外一篇,则是作者Abigail的申请文书。
早在哈佛大学公布该同学文书之前,Abigail就在美国版抖音TikTok上宣读了自己的申请文书,并获得了全美的关注。其视频观看次数超过1990万次。
除了哈佛以外,Abigail一共申请了8所大学。除了普林斯顿大学被拒,剩余7所大学(包括耶鲁、杜克、达特茅斯学院, 乔治城大学及圣母大学)都向她抛来了橄榄枝。
Abigail 究竟有着什么样的魅力能同时得到那么多高校的青睐呢?
这篇引起全美关注的申请文书,讲的是关于她讨厌字母“S”的原因——关于失去父母。

"I used to have two parents, but now I have one, and the S in parents isn't going anywhere.”

当然,录取哈佛的学生,远不仅仅是凭一封出彩的文书。

从Abigail的文书中,我们可以知道,在Abigail不断填满空闲时间避开“S”期间,她注意到自己更偏爱这3个领域:戏剧,学术,政治。

在高中期间,优异成绩及体育表现让她成为了高中毕业典礼上的荣誉致辞生;

在校外活动上,无论是Boston剧院,还是参议员连任选举,也都有Abigail参与的身影。

Abigail是以undecided major进入哈佛,但是她在课外活动中,发现了自己对于政治的热情,不排除今后会选择政治专业。

Abigail在文书中分享了自己的经历与故事。她不再逃避S带来的困扰,相反,她选择坚强起来,重回自己对生活的热情,坚强、努力、永不放弃地拥抱生活及追逐梦想。

Abigail

申请文书原文

*上下滑动查看

I hate the letter “S”. Of the 164,777 words with “S”, I only grapple with one. To condemn an entire letter because of its use 0.0006% of the time sounds statistically absurd, but that one case changed 100% of my life. I used to have two parents, but now I have one, and the “S” in “parents” isn't going anywhere.

“S” follows me. I can't get through a day without being reminded that while my friends went out to dinner with their parents, I ate with my parent. As I write this essay, there is a blue line under the word “parent” telling me to check my grammar; even Grammarly assumes that I should have parents, but cancer doesn't listen to edit suggestions. I won't claim that my situation is as unique as 1 in 164,777, but it is still an exception to the rule - an outlier. The world isn't meant for this special case.

The world wouldn't abandon “S” because of me, so I tried to abandon “S”. I could get away from “S” if I stayed busy; you can't have dinner with your “parent” (thanks again, Grammarly) if you're too busy to have family dinner. Any spare time that I had, I filled. I became known as the “busy kid”- the one that everyone always asks, “How do you have time?” Morning meetings, classes, after school meetings, volleyball practice, dance class, rehearsal in Boston, homework, sleep, repeat. Though my specific schedule has changed over time, the busyness has not. I couldn't fill the loss that “S” left in my life, but I could at least make sure I didn't have to think about it. There were so many things in my life that I couldn't control, so I controlled what I could- my schedule. I never succumbed to the stress of potentially over-committing. I thrived. It became a challenge to juggle it all, but I'd soon find a rhythm. But rhythm wasn't what I wanted. Rhythm may not have an “S”, but “S” sure liked to come by when I was idle. So, I added another ball, and another, and another. Soon I noticed that the same “color” balls kept falling into my hands- theater, academics, politics. I began to want to come into contact with these more and more, so I further narrowed the scope of my color wheel and increased the shades of my primary colors.

Life became easier to juggle, but for the first time, I didn't add another ball. I found my rhythm, and I embraced it. I stopped running away from a single “S” and began chasing a double “S”- passion. Passion has given me purpose. I was shackled to “S” as I tried to escape the confines of the traditional familial structure. No matter how far I ran, “S” stayed behind me because I kept looking back. I've finally learned to move forward instead of away, and it is liberating. “S” got me moving, but it hasn't kept me going.

I wish I could end here, triumphant and basking in my new inspiration, but life is more convoluted. Motivation is a double edged sword; it keeps me facing forward, but it also keeps me from having to look back. I want to claim that I showed courage in being able to turn from “S”, but I cannot. Motivation is what keeps “S” at bay. I am not perfectly healed, but I am perfect at navigating the best way to heal me. I don't seek out sadness, so “S” must stay on the sidelines, and until I am completely ready, motivation is more than enough for me.

文书点评

*上下滑动查看

Abigail's essay navigates one of the most delicate sorts of topics in college applications: dealing with personal or family tragedy. Perhaps the most common pitfall is to take a tragic event and effuse it with too much pathos and sense of loss that the narrative fails to reveal much about the author's own personality other than the loss itself. In short, a “sob story.” However, Abigail's essay adeptly skirts this by utilizing wit and a framing device using the letter “S” to share a profoundly personal journey in a manner that is engaging and thought-provoking.

Rather than focus purely on the loss of one of her parents to cancer, Abigail reflects on her life and the adjustments she has had to make. It is particularly poignant how she expresses the sense that her life with only one remaining parent seems somehow anomalous, that the constant reminders of the completeness in the familial structures of others haunts her.

What also makes this essay all the more intriguing is how we get a glimpse into her internal life as she learns to cope with the loss. There's an honesty here as she reveals to the reader her attempts at filling this void in her life by constantly keeping busy. It's further satisfying to see these attempts at committing to various activities evolve into what she terms a “double S,” or “passion,” as she discovers things that she has become passionate about. Perhaps this essay could have been strengthened further by giving the reader a sense of what those passions might be, as we're left to speculate based on the activities she had mentioned.

Lastly, we see a sense of realism and maturity in Abigail's closing reflection. It's easy to end an essay like this with a sense of narrative perfection, but she wisely concedes that “life is more convoluted.” This poignant revelation gives us a window into her continuing struggles, but we are nonetheless left impressed by her growth and candor in this essay.

篇幅有限的原因,剩下7篇申请文书学姐已经帮大家在文末打包整理好了。

今年的哈佛申请文书里,还有非常多有意思、有深意的申请故事值得大家一读。比如:关于如何认识癌症、从历史事件中学习语言和文化、如何将兴趣与生物专业结合等等。
从中我们可以看到每一位申请者从头到尾如何学习、成长或改变。也通过阅读这些优秀学生的文书范例,给予大家更多在文书写作上的方向和灵感~
每一所美国大学,都有自己的招生偏好。每一位申请者,也都有自己的闪光点。如何利用自己的经历展示自己,打造一篇令人印象深刻的申请文书,“勾住”招生官?
对于未来打算冲刺美国名校的同学,PeerBang有多位毕业于美国一流院校的老师,会全程协助你进行申请规划。我们会根据每个学生的不同特点、兴趣、意向专业,定制化匹配最合适和具有含金量的活动、竞赛、科研,以提升学术背景,增加大学申请竞争力。
查看更多PeerBang的申请案例
01

◆ 录取斯坦福大学:用电影,斩获了斯坦福、宾大、范德堡等名校Offer的男孩

02

◆ 录取圣路易斯华盛顿大学:美国前20录了!托福口语只有22的普高少女凭什么低分高录?

03

录取哈维穆德学院:我如何从三线城市普高,冲进全美最强理工牛校?

04

◆ 录取波莫纳学院:三线城市的她,如何从被前50大学全拒,到逆袭拿下全美前十Offer?

(0)

相关推荐