每日原则：领会并感激：深思熟虑的意见分歧

当两人的观点截然相反时，很可能有一个人是错的。搞明白是不是你错了很有价值。所以我认为，你必须领会深思熟虑的分歧当中的艺术。在深思熟虑的意见分歧中，你的目标不是说服你是对的，而是弄明白谁是对的，并决定该怎么做。双方的动力都是对错过重要观点的担忧。你们彼此要真正看到对方看到的东西，也就是说，你们两人“更高层次的我”努力探寻事实，这样的交流使双方受益匪浅，并能释放出巨大的未被发掘的潜力。

要做好这一点，你的沟通方式应该要让对方明白你只是在试图理解。你应该提问而不是做出陈述，以平心静气的方式进行讨论，并鼓励对方也这么做。记住，你不是在争论，而是在开放地探求事实。你要保持理性，并期待对方也保持理性。如果你冷静，平等对待对方，尊重对方，效果就会更好。多加练习可以让你做得越来越好。

When two people believe opposite things, chances are that one of them is wrong. It pays to find out if that someone is you. That’s why I believe you must appreciate and develop the art of thoughtful disagreement. In thoughtful disagreement, your goal is not to convince the other party that you are right—it is to find out which view is true and decide what to do about it. In thoughtful disagreement, both parties are motivated by the genuine fear of missing important perspectives. Exchanges in which you really see what the other person is seeing and they really see what you are seeing—with both your “higher-level yous” trying to get to the truth—are immensely helpful and a giant source of untapped potential.

To do this well, approach the conversation in a way that conveys that you’re just trying to understand. Use questions rather than make statements. Conduct the discussion in a calm and dispassionate manner, and encourage the other person to do that as well. Remember, you are not arguing; you are openly exploring what’s true. Be reasonable and expect others to be reasonable. If you’re calm, collegial, and respectful you will do a lot better than if you are not. You’ll get better at this with practice.