读后续写微技能|高分必备之语言对话描写
“对话”何时用?如何写?写多少?写哪里?听完今天的讲解,你会有一个比较明晰的答案。
首先注意下面几个要点:
1)对话描写必须为推动故事情节服务,是情节发展的一个环节,每段出现一两句即可;
2)对话描写必须反映人物的心理与情感,刻画人物的性格;
3)对话描写不宜过长,侧重口语化词汇,避开生僻词汇;
4)对话描写要尽可能结合动作描写,明确对谁说,具有画面感;
5)对话描写中要学会使用几个感叹词,表示说话人的喜、怒、哀、乐等情绪。
她说,“我想和你一起去,但我还没有完成家庭作业。”这句话用英语,从句式结构的角度来看,怎么表达呢?特别是对话标签she said的位置变化。
1. 对话标签在前
She said,“I would like to go with you, but I haven’t finished my homework.”
2. 对话标签在后
“I would like to go with you, but I haven’t finished my homework.”She said.
这两句是最常见的形式,大家写出来,应该问题不大。我们来看第三种形式。
3. 对话标签在句子中间
“I would like to go with you,”she said, “but I haven’t finished my homework.”
注意:对话标签在后或者在句子中间时(第2,3种情况),如果主语是名词,则可以倒装。而代词不可以倒装,said she是错误的。
“I would like to go with you, but I haven’t finished my homework.”said Emily(或者Emily said.)
“I would like to go with you,”said Emily/ Emily said, “but I haven’t finished my homework.”
1. 废话连篇,对情节发展和刻画人物性格没有帮助。
“Hey, how are you?” “I’m fine, how are you?”
“How is the weather?” “Terrific! Nice day for a walk, isn’t it?”
这样的对话在现实生活中很真实,但是小说毕竟是艺术加工,无助情节推动的,不能刻画人物性格的日常寒暄和偏离文章主线的对话绝对不用。
2.追求花哨,过度使用对话标签
“That is fantastic news,” he said happily.
此句中完全没有必要加上一个happily来表达说的方式,因为句中的fantastic一词足以说明说话人了表情,过度强调 会让读者的注意力集中在“说话的方式”而不是“说话的内容”。
建议改为:“That is fantastic news!” he said/screamed/exclaimed. 一个感叹号和一个fantastic已经足以让读者想象当时的情景。适当的“艺术留白”也是需要的,这样会留给读者想象的空间。
还有一种避免过度的dialogue tags的方法是运用“动作描写”,尤其是表情上动作来取而代之。
如:Her eyes reflected the candlelight as she smiled at her son. “Everyone is unique. Just follow your heart and be yourself!”当她对儿子微笑时,她的眼睛反射着烛光。“每个人都是独一无二的。 只要跟随你的心,做你自己!”
3 用词不当,错误使用对话标签
'I can't believe it,' Emma gasped. (gasp意思为“喘气”)
'That's funny,' Henry chuckled. (chuckled.意思为“轻笑”)
评析:以上两句话也是在大量的学生习作中发现的。这里把动作描写和动作标签 混淆了,试想谁能gasp(喘息)、chuckle(轻笑)出一句话?除非他或她有特异功能。
纠正方法如下:
'I can't believe it,' Emma said with a gasp.
(对话标签Emma said+ with介词短语)
Emma gasped. 'I can't believe it.'
(动作描写+句号)
'I can't believe it.' Emma gasped.
(对话句+动作描写,注意对话句式句号)
'That's funny!' Henry chuckled.
(感叹句结束+动作描写)
'That's funny,' Henry said, chuckling.
(Question tag+ 分词做伴随状况)
请特别关注以上对话的标点符号。
4 对话标签多此一举:对话对象十分明确,仍使用对话标签
“I told you already,” I said, glaring.
评析:此句貌似豪华,其实对话中的主语“I”已经清晰地说明了说话者,完全没有必要用对话标签“I said” 来说明说话对象。纠正方法:加上一点动作描写就可以避免这种错误,并且提升语言的生动性。
I glared at him. “I told you already.”
在对话标签中加入语气,嗓音,情感让你的描写更生动传神。
①第一种:加语气
“I would love to,” said Emily in a pleasant tone. “我很乐意这样做,”艾米丽用一种愉快的语气说。
这里用到了“in a pleasant tone. ”,即“用一种愉快的语气”,基本结构为:in a/an+形容词+tone
如:in a pleasant愉悦的/firm坚定的/rude粗鲁的/sad悲伤的 tone
也可以用 in a tone of +名词的搭配
如:in a tone of surprise用一种惊讶的语气
in a tone of curiosity用一种好奇的语气
in a tone of impatience用一种不耐烦的语气
in a tone of command用一种命令的语气
② 第二种:加嗓音
“I didn’t mean to,” she murmured in a low voice. “我不是故意的,”她低声说。
这里用到了“ in a low voice”,即“小声地说道”或者“用一种...声音”,基本结构是:in a/an+形容词+voice
如:in a high /low / sweet/loud/soft /weak voice 用一个高/低/甜/响亮/软/弱的声音
③第三种:加情感
“I...I.. don’t think I’m right for the part,”I replied with embarrassment.“我...我..认为我不适合这个角色,”我尴尬地回答。
这里用到了“ with embarrassment”,即“(伴随着)难堪”,基本结构是:with +情感名词。如with excitement (伴随着)激动。
④加副词
“我再也不会那样做了,”我回答。如何丰富这句话里的对话标签呢?
“I will never do that again,” I answered firmly. 加上了副词firmly(坚定地)
这句话也可以这么写:可将副词提到句首。
Firmly,I answered,“I will never do that again.”
素材积累:好词好句赏析
1. He stiffened(僵硬) for seconds and then shuffled (拖曳、慢慢走) his feetforward, eyes red with fury(愤怒) but without any fear or hesitation.
2. George and I stood there dumbfounded(哑然失声的,发楞的) watching him finishing the whole job, gratitude and admiration rushing in my heart(感激和仰慕涌入我心).
3. Hearing the bad news, Mary fainted away on the spot and fell into unconsciousness.(当场晕倒,陷入昏迷)
4. His eyes widened further and his mouth opened. He took a huge breath as if winded(喘不过气). He looked tortured-vulnerable. 他的眼睛瞪大了,嘴巴张开。他深深地吸了一口气仿佛呼吸困难,他看起来饱受折磨,非常脆弱。
5. Approaching me with a great deal of obvious discomfort, Tommy looked up at me with pleading(乞求的)eyes.
6. There was a light touch on my hand; looking down, I saw my son looking at me, curious.我感觉到有人轻轻碰触我的手;低头一看,是我的儿子好奇地在看我。
7. Every knock on the door fills me with expectation(让我充满期待). I immediately picture him walking through(想象某人做某事) the door.
8. He looked out of the window, biting his lips, as if thinking.他一边看着窗外,一边咬着嘴唇,仿佛在思考。
9. At the sight of the ferocious wolf, I was seized by a strong sense of horror and my palms were sweating. (被深深地恐惧感所控制,手心出汗)
10. Upon hearing the bad news, her heart ached, tears streaming down her cheeks. (心痛,眼泪直流)
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