真题解析 | 10月11日雅思大作文参考范文
本期大作文供稿:
章跃
2018年10月11日雅思考试大作文题目
☟☟☟
【黑色字为学生习作】
【玫红色字为批改和示范】
☟☟☟
Recent years witnessed a criticism that the disparity in access to advanced education still exists between rural and urban regions, especially when the equal education chances are emphasized in some poor areas. Personally, the situation that differences in educational resources do need to be solved urgently. 【话语需要简洁一些。】
→
Recent years are witnessing a growing criticism on the unequal access to tertiary education. Students from rural areas are less likely to be admitted than are urban students. Personally, I believe that the inequality does need to be resolved urgently.
The first reason is that due to the lack qualified teachers and sufficient facilities in rural high school, only a minority of university students come from rural backgrounds.【TR方面:“穷困”不是理由,“能克服穷困”才是理由。】For example, without the correct guidance and the abundant knowledge accomulation, students could not get the qualifications to go to universities, which means being a more skillful person in the future could be quite impossible. 【TR方面:ta们的“无能”不是理由。】Second, although some hardworking students may overcome the barriers of examinations, suffering from the notoriously expensive tuition fee, they finally choose to give up since it could definitely be a financial challenge to their families. So in short, what measures should we do to handle this problem?
→
The first reason is that the easier access to college education would be an award for those students from the rural background, most likely unprivileged students, whose desire for knowledge and ability to overcome the difficulty are admirable. If those students had 【虚拟,说明“没有”】abundant educational resources, including qualified teachers, state-of-the-art facilities, and an updated curriculum, they would outperform themselves who suffer the inadequate resources but manage to achieve acceptable levels. 【GRA方面:每个body段落有一个长难句即可。】【LR方面:表述正/负评价的词汇。】
Second, although some hardworking students may overcome the barriers of examinations, suffering from the notoriously expensive tuition fee, they finally choose to give up since it could definitely be a financial challenge to their families. 【TR方面:理由的核心意思不明确。】
→
【TR方面:城里的学生可能会觉得自己能上大学是天赋和家庭条件所致,可能不会感激社会;农村的学生因为收到关照而有机会上大学,可能将来会怀抱感恩之心报答社会。】
Second, the institutions’ generosity can be appreciated by those beneficiaries. The disadvantaged groups, since they receive aid without which they would not be in college, are highly likely to show gratitude to the favor and to pay the debt when they one day become capable. They are unlike urban students, the ungrateful privileged youngsters, who tend to take their opportunity for granted. For example, their charitable actions inspired by their universities’ kindness to them, many philanthropists from a humble rural background are generous in giving back to society.
So in short, what measures should we do to handle this problem? To begin with, institutions of higher education, including the most selective colleges and universities, have to think about ways to recruit students from rural communities and enhance services to retain those less fortunate undergraduates. As a beginning step, it is necessary for government authorities in charge to help establish partnerships between high schools and universities, thus creating a fast track for more rural students to be enrolled through some special admission process. In addition, governments should make it a policy to reserve a certain percentage of entry into an undergraduate course. 【TR方面:凉了,都是废话,题目没有问“怎么办”。】
In conclusion, effective measures should be implement to make it less difficult for rural students to pursue universities studies. As a principle of equality for all, each student should not be left behind. Otherwise, there will be a widening gap between students who are from cities and those who are not. 【body凉,conclusion铁凉】
→
In conclusion, easier admission should be available for students from rural backgrounds for at least two reasons. These youngsters deserve the opportunity and will appreciate the opportunity. 【通过deserve和appreciate两个动词笼统总结全文。】