双语原稿 | 《你好，李焕英》虐哭上亿观众：母亲离开后，我这样治愈了自己
电影里，一场突如其来的车祸，让贾玲穿越回了妈妈的少女时代，两人成了朋友。
直到后来，她发现妈妈比她还更早穿越后，才在恸哭中明白：
在她“不省心”的成长里，妈妈其实获得了很多快乐和治愈。
贾玲以电影的方式纪念了自己的妈妈，这份迟来的礼物，不仅感动了大众，相信也治愈她的伤痛。
同样是母亲早逝，在TED的舞台上有一位演讲者的治愈之旅，则有点反其道而行。
在六岁那年的一场火灾中失去母亲后，丹妮尔·托利看到了她面前的两条道路：一条充满恐惧的生活，另一条承诺治愈和康复的生活。在这篇鼓舞人心的演讲中，她描述了她如何以一种最出人意料的方式——与火共舞——最终把悲伤变成美丽。
中英对照翻译
When I was six years old, our house caught fire, and my mother died. It was a cold February night in Michigan.
我六岁那年，因为家里房子突然着火，我妈妈死了。那是密歇根州二月的一个寒冷的夜晚。
Our chimney had recently been fixed, so we had a warm fire going in the fireplace.
我们的烟囱最近修好了，所以我们在壁炉里放了一堆温暖的火。
My younger sister and I were sitting next to our dog and coloring with a brand-new box of colored pencils, when Mom said it was time for bed.
我和妹妹正坐在狗旁边，用一盒崭新的彩色铅笔涂色，这时妈妈说该睡觉了。
We d planned to go up north that night for a weekend of snowmobiling and sledding, but it was already dark and snowing outside, so we decided to leave the next morning instead. We went upstairs, brushed our teeth, climbed into bed, my sister s room right next to the stairs, and mine at the far end of the hallway.
我们本来打算那天晚上去北方玩一个周末的雪地摩托和滑雪橇，但外面已经天黑下雪了，所以我们决定第二天早上离开。我们上楼刷牙，爬上床，我妹妹的房间就在楼梯旁边，我妹妹的房间在走廊的尽头。
Our parents tucked us in and kissed us good night then left the door open just a crack, and the hallway light on, as it always was. In the middle of the night, I woke up sweating, confused because I couldn t see that hallway light. I started shouting for my parents until finally, I heard words that I ll never forget: 'Dave, it s a fire!'
爸妈给我们掖好被子，给我们晚安吻之后就出去了，但没有把门关严，留有一条门缝，走廊的灯照常亮着。半夜，我醒来时满头大汗，很困惑，因为我看不到走廊的灯光。我开始喊我的父母，直到最后，我听到的话，我永远不会忘记：“戴夫，起火了！”
We later found out that our fire from earlier had burned through an unrepaired crack in the chimney, causing the fireplace doors to explode and fire to just pour into the living room. I remember my mom running down to my sister s room, frantically searching for her and finally finding her on the floor.
后来我们发现，我们早些时候的火灾是通过烟囱上一条未修复的裂缝燃烧的，导致壁炉门爆炸，火势正好涌入客厅。我记得我妈妈跑到我妹妹的房间，疯狂地寻找她，最后发现她在地板上。
I crawled after her on my hands and knees, trying not to breathe in the smoke. I remember standing next to my sister s room, trying to turn on that hallway light, but it was already on; I just couldn t see it because the smoke was so thick. I remember feeling the heat of the fire on my skin and hearing the sound of it as it climbed up the stairs.
我用手和膝盖爬在她后面，尽量不吸入烟雾。我记得我站在我姐姐的房间旁边，试图打开走廊的灯，但灯已经亮了；我只是看不见，因为烟太浓了。我记得感觉到火烧在我的皮肤上，听到它爬上楼梯的声音。
My dad ran down to my bedroom window as an escape route, but it was February, and it was frozen shut. Eventually, he broke the window and pried it open, his arms and hands covered in glass and cuts. He lifted my sister and me onto an awning under the window and told us to shout for help.
爸爸跑到我卧室的窗户前作为逃生的途径，但当时是二月，窗户被冻住了。最后，他打破了窗户，撬开了窗户，胳膊和手上都是玻璃和伤口。他把我和妹妹抱到窗下的遮阳篷上，叫我们大声呼救。
Not seeing my mom, he considered going back into the fire to find her, but after looking at my sister and me huddled together on that roof and knowing that neither of them may make it out, he stayed with us, calling her name through the window instead.
由于没有见到我妈妈，他考虑回到火里去找她，但当他看到我和妹妹挤在屋顶上，知道他们两个都逃不出来后，他就和我们呆在一起，隔着窗户叫着她的名字。
After a few minutes, a man driving down the street saw the smoke and fire, drove onto our lawn, climbed onto the roof of his car and told us to jump into his arms. We d never seen him before, and even though he saved our lives, we never saw him again. We were brought over to a neighbor s house while Dad continued to wait on the roof for my mom, reaching his arms and hands through the window and into the fire, calling her name over and over.
几分钟后，一名男子驾车沿街行驶，看到浓烟和大火，开车到我们的草坪上，爬上车顶，让我们跳到他的怀里。我们以前从没见过他，即使他救了我们的命，我们也再没见过他。我们被带到一个邻居家，而爸爸继续在屋顶上等我妈妈，从窗户伸进炉火，一遍又一遍地叫着她的名字。
He said later that when the fire department arrived, they carried him down the ladder just as a lower-level window shattered and burst into flames. It took the fire department longer to find my mom. She d been on the floor of my bedroom the entire time, pinned down by a dresser that had fallen on her leg. We think she went back to look for our dog, but by the time the fire department reached them it was too late. She died on the way to the hospital.
他后来说，当消防队赶到时，他们把他抬下了梯子，就在这时，一扇较低层的窗户碎了，起火了。消防队花了很长时间才找到我妈妈。她一直躺在我卧室的地板上，被摔在腿上的梳妆台压住了。我们想她是回去找我们的狗的，但等消防队赶到时已经太迟了。她在去医院的路上死了。
Dad was in critical condition, with smoke inhalation and burns and cuts over a third of his body. He spent nearly a month in the hospital, unable to attend Mom s funeral and undergoing multiple, excruciating skin graft surgeries. My sister and I stayed with a neighbor across the street, but we would sit in front of their living room window for hours, just staring at the remains of our burnt home.
父亲情况危急，吸入浓烟，身体三分之一以上被烧伤和割伤。他在医院呆了近一个月，无法参加母亲的葬礼，接受了多次痛苦的植皮手术。我和姐姐住在街对面的一个邻居家里，但我们会在他们客厅的窗户前坐上几个小时，只盯着被烧毁的房子的残骸。
After a few days, it became evident that we would need to go and stay with some different family friends.
过了几天，我们需要去和一些不同的家庭朋友住在一起。
The next few years were tough. As a single father of two young girls, Dad did his very best to provide for us as we all tried to grieve and recover. We began to move on in this new reality. Dad bought a new house down the street, without a fireplace, and eventually remarried. My sister and I excelled in school.
接下来的几年很艰难。作为两个年轻女孩的单身父亲，父亲尽了最大努力为我们提供生活，我们都试图悲伤和康复。我们开始在这个新的现实中前进。爸爸在街上买了一栋没有壁炉的新房子，后来再婚了。幸运的是，我姐姐和我在学校表现还挺优异。
I was a cheerleader, and she rode horses and played in the band. But nothing could stop the gut-wrenching nightmares that haunted me. I would dream of fire, of being trapped in fire with no escape. I remember, and even now I can feel, the sheer panic and the pressure in my chest. Or worse were the dreams where I was outside the fire watching it, trying to save the people inside. I d wake up gasping for breath, tears running down my face and sobbing.
我是啦啦队队长，她骑马在乐队里演奏。但是没有什么能阻止那些折磨我的噩梦。我会经常梦见火，梦见被困在火中无法逃生。我记得，即使是现在，我也能感觉到，完全的恐慌和胸口的压力。更糟的是，我在梦里看到外面的火，试图拯救里面的人。我醒来时喘不过气来，眼泪顺着我的脸流下来，呜咽着。
When I was 15, a friend of mine and a very talented artist, painted two abstract portraits for me. One was done in black and white and depicted a scared girl cowering in the corner of a room, shadows surrounding her. The other was a bursting rainbow of color; the girl was in the center of the page, arms open and outstretched, clearly full of joy and happiness.
当我15岁的时候，我的一个朋友，一个非常有才华的艺术家，为我画了两幅抽象肖像。其中一幅是黑白的，描绘了一个害怕的女孩蜷缩在一个房间的角落里，阴影围绕着她。另一个是一道彩虹，那女孩在书页中央，张开双臂，显然充满了喜悦和幸福。
He knew my past, and he knew that I was conflicted and confused, but he had also seen my potential and wanted to show me what he already saw. After a few years, I realized that these two portraits showed two completely different paths before me: a life of fear or the promise and potential for recovery.
他知道我的过去，他知道我很矛盾和困惑，但他也看到了我的潜力，想让我看看他已经看到了什么。几年后，我意识到这两幅画像展现了我面前的两条完全不同的道路：恐惧的生活，或是康复的希望和潜力。
I had always been drawn to that brighter, more colorful painting, but I wasn t quite sure what it meant for me or how to transform my current mentality into that kind of joy and happiness. So outwardly, I moved on with life -- graduated high school, went to college -- while inwardly, I continued to bounce between the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, like a Ping-Pong ball between those two portraits.
我一直被那幅更明亮、更多彩的画所吸引，但我不太清楚它对我意味着什么，也不知道如何把我现在的心态转变成那种快乐和幸福。所以表面上，我继续生活——高中毕业，上了大学——而内心里，我继续在最高点和最低点之间弹跳，就像两幅肖像之间的乒乓球。
In 2004, I went backpacking through Central America with a friend. We spent our first week on the island of Roatán, off the coast of Honduras. After a few days there, my friend and I realized that one of our new local friends was a fire dancer. Neither of us had ever seen fire dancing before, so one night, we decided to go see a show.
2004年，我和一个朋友背包穿越中美洲。我们在洪都拉斯海岸外的罗坦岛度过了第一周。在那里呆了几天之后，我和我的朋友意识到我们当地的一个新朋友是一个消防舞者。我们两个以前都没看过火舞，所以一天晚上，我们决定去看一场表演。
We watched, mesmerized, as he and two friends lit these props on fire, threw them in the air and spun them around their bodies. Their moves were deliberate and controlled, yet still graceful and flowing to the music. I was completely entranced. The next day, he offered to teach us how to fire dance, or 'spin' -- without fire, of course.
我们目不转睛地看着他和两个朋友点燃这些道具，把它们扔到空中，绕着它们的身体旋转。他们的动作是有意识和控制的，但仍然优雅和流畅的音乐。我完全被迷住了。第二天，他提出要教我们如何跳火舞，或者说“旋转”——当然，不用火。
He showed us the difference between a fire staff, which is a long piece of wood or aluminum with two Kevlar wicks, and fire poi, which are Kevlar wicks with chains and finger loops. After that first time spinning poi, I knew that this was a hobby that I wanted to continue learning in the hopes that maybe one day, I might be brave enough to try it with fire.
他向我们展示了消防杖的区别，消防杖是一块长木头或铝，上面有两条凯夫拉灯芯，消防杖是一条凯夫拉灯芯，上面有链条和手指环。在第一次旋转poi之后，我知道这是一个我想继续学习的爱好，希望有一天，我可以勇敢地尝试火。
Now, I can guess what people might be thinking: How was I not terrified and running in the opposite direction? And honestly, I don t know. I think that perhaps being a cheerleader and doing gymnastics and piano while growing up, these activities were very structured and prescribed, whereas this type of flow art seemed like a form of meditation but with a focus on fire, this thing that scared me so deeply for my entire life.
现在，我可以猜到人们可能在想什么：我怎么不害怕，朝相反的方向跑呢？老实说，我也不知道。我想也许是一个啦啦队队长，在成长过程中做体操和钢琴，这些活动是非常有组织和规定的，而这种流动艺术似乎是一种冥想形式，但重点放在火上，这件事让我一生都非常害怕。
After that first time practicing, my friend and I cobbled together our own sets of homemade poi using socks, shoelaces and tennis balls. We did not light shoelaces and socks on fire, we just used it for the practice part. But after returning home to Michigan, we decided to buy our own sets of actual fire poi. And after a few months, we decided that we were ready to light them on fire. We bundled up in cotton layers, got a fire extinguisher, wet a towel for safety, prepared our fuel, gave each other a very energetic pep talk and high five and lit those poi on fire.
在第一次练习之后，我和我的朋友用袜子、鞋带和网球拼凑了一套自制的poi。我们没有点燃鞋带和袜子，我们只是用它来练习。但回到密歇根州后，我们决定自己买一套真正的消防车。几个月后，我们决定，我们准备点燃他们。我们穿上棉衣，带上灭火器，为了安全起见，打湿了毛巾，准备好了燃料，给对方打了一个充满活力的打气和击掌，然后点燃了那些poi。
It was terrifying. Half of my brain was freaking out and thinking, 'OK, wait -- maybe we need to think about this. We should probably stop.' The sound of the fire as it whooshed by my head was incredibly loud and brought me right back to my childhood. But it was also incredibly exhilarating. The other half of my brain, the creative half, was thinking, 'I can t believe it! I m a fire dancer.'
太可怕了。我的半个大脑都在发疯，在想，“好吧，等等——也许我们需要考虑一下。我们应该停下来。”当火从我头上呼啸而过时，它的声音非常大，让我回到了童年。但它也令人难以置信的兴奋。我大脑的另一半，创造性的那一半，在想，“我真不敢相信！我是个火舞演员。”
For anyone who spins, there s a level of adrenaline or that rush of fire dancing. But as someone whose life had been so greatly impacted by fire, I also felt an immense sense of empowerment at being able to control and manipulate fire.
对任何旋转的人来说，都有一定程度的肾上腺素或火爆的舞蹈。但作为一个生活受到火的巨大影响的人，我也感到了一种巨大的力量，能够控制和操纵火。
I made a conscious decision to step out of my grief. It was not easy. There s a Nirvana lyric that says 'I miss the comfort of being sad,' and that was exactly it. I was in control of my sadness. I knew what it would bring to me, and I knew what to expect, but I also knew deep down that eventually, I had to do that really hard work of trying to heal from my past.
我有意识地决定走出悲伤。这并不容易。有一首涅磐抒情诗说“我想念悲伤的安慰”，正是这样。我控制住了我的悲伤。我知道这会给我带来什么，我也知道会发生什么，但我也深知，最终，我必须要做一件非常艰苦的工作，努力从过去中恢复过来。
So I kept practicing. I took a plastic grocery bag, cut it into strips, tied it to the ends of those poi and used it to replicate the sound of the fire as it went past my head. And I kept lighting the poi on fire. At some point, something shifted. My perspective on fire dancing changed from something that I was apprehensive about to something that brought me a sort of peace.
所以我一直在练习。我拿了一个塑料购物袋，把它切成条状，绑在那些poi的末端，用它来复制火从我头上经过时发出的声音。我不停地点燃poi。在某个时刻，某些东西发生了变化。我对火之舞的看法从我担心的东西变成了给我带来一种平静的东西。
Without realizing it, I had initiated my own form of exposure therapy, an actual type of psychotherapy where you deliberately expose yourself to things that have caused you trauma or scare you. I d exposed myself to fire in this very unique way and had transformed what it meant to me. My nightmares slowed down and now, years later, have stopped almost completely.
在没有意识到的情况下，我开始了我自己的暴露疗法，一种真正的心理疗法，你故意让自己暴露在那些给你带来创伤或恐惧的事情中。我以这种独特的方式将自己暴露在火中，并改变了它对我的意义。我的噩梦变慢了，几年后的今天，几乎完全停止了。
I started fire dancing not just for myself but at events and performances. I started a fire troop with friends while living in Dubai, created beautiful art with my sister who became a photographer, taught children how to spin at birthday parties, performed onstage and at festivals and even taught my own children the basics of spinning.
我不仅为自己，而且在活动和表演中开始了火舞。在迪拜生活期间，我和朋友们一起组建了一支消防队，和成为摄影师的姐姐一起创作了美丽的艺术，在生日派对上教孩子们如何纺纱，在舞台上和节日上表演，甚至还教自己的孩子们基本的纺纱。
And that s not to say that I don t still have an apprehension to fire in general. I can practice a move a million times, but then when I try it with fire, I feel that familiar panic and tightening in my chest. I m still apprehensive about living in a two-story house or having a fireplace.
但这并不是说我还没有一个普遍的恐惧来开火。我可以练习一个动作一百万次，但当我尝试火，我感到熟悉的恐慌和收紧在我的胸部。我仍然担心住在两层楼的房子里或有壁炉。
Every night before I go to sleep, I clear a path between my kids bedroom doors, our bedroom door and all the exit doors, in case we need to leave quickly. And it s taken me a long time to get on board with the idea of closing bedroom doors at night to slow down a fire, because I d always thought if I closed my kids bedroom doors, I might not be able to hear them like my mom heard me.
每天晚上睡觉前，我都会在孩子的卧室门、卧室门和所有出口门之间开辟一条小路，以防我们需要迅速离开。我花了很长时间才想到晚上关上卧室的门来减缓火灾的速度，因为我一直认为如果我关上孩子的卧室门，我可能无法像妈妈听到的那样听到他们的声音。
And of course, this is my story. I can t say that I have the answer for someone with a different kind of trauma. If the situation had been reversed, and I d lost a child in a fire, I m not sure that fire dancing would be the answer, or if I d even have the capacity to get near fire again. But what I can say from my own experience is that after experiencing a trauma or hardship, you have a choice between two paths.
当然，这是我的故事。我不能说我有其他创伤的答案。如果情况逆转了，我在一场火灾中失去了一个孩子，我不确定火舞会是答案，或者我是否有能力再次接近火场。但从我自己的经验来看，在经历了创伤或苦难之后，你可以在两条道路之间做出选择。
One path will lead you to a life of fear and cowering in the darkness, like that black-and-white painting I described earlier. You might move on with life, but at the same time, you re still clinging to that sadness that brings you comfort. The other path, stepping out of grief, will not change or undo anything. It will be hard. It will always be hard, with high mountains and deep, dark valleys. But this path looks forward and moves forward.
有一条路会把你引向恐惧和畏缩在黑暗中的生活，就像我前面描述的那幅黑白画。你可能会继续生活，但与此同时，你仍然执着于带给你安慰的悲伤。另一条路，走出悲伤，不会改变或撤销任何事情。会很难的。它将永远是艰难的，有高山和深邃黑暗的山谷。但这条路向前看，向前走。
When I learned to dance with fire, I learned to reconcile the traumatic part of my life with the totality of my life as it was still unfolding. Fire became more than just trauma but beauty and art as well, everything, all at once, just like life, flickering and smoldering and burning and dazzling, and somehow, in the middle of it, finding a way to dance ... me.
当我学会与火共舞时，我学会了调和我生命中痛苦的部分和我生命的全部，因为它仍在展开。火不仅变成了创伤，也变成了美丽和艺术，所有的一切，一下子，就像生命一样，忽隐忽现，阴燃，燃烧，耀眼，不知何故，置身其中，我找到了跳舞的正确方式。
Thank you.
非常感谢。