TED | 向人求助并非弱势

我走到门口，老师受到了热烈的欢迎，她带我进了教室，给我看了我的小矮人洞--我们都记得那些小矮人洞，我们把我们的东西放进去。然后她说，“到圆圈里去，和孩子们一起玩，直到上课。”

So I went over there and plopped down like I owned the place, and I'm playing, and all of a sudden, the boy next to me, he was wearing a white shirt with blue shorts. I remember it like it was yesterday. Suddenly he stopped playing and he said, 'Why are you so short?'

所以我去了那里就像我拥有这个地方一样，我在玩，突然间，我旁边的那个男孩，他穿着一件白色衬衫和蓝色短裤。我记得就像昨天一样。突然，他停止了演奏，他说，“你为什么这么矮？”

And I just kept playing. I didn't think he was talking to me. And in a louder voice, he said, 'Hey, why are you so short?' So I looked up and I said, 'What are you talking about? Let's just play. We're happy. I've been waiting for this.' And so we played, and about a minute later, the girl next to him,

我一直在玩。我不认为他在跟我说话。他用更大声的声音说：“嘿，你为什么这么矮？“所以我抬起头说，“”你在说什么？我们一起玩吧。我们很开心。我一直在等这个。“所以我们一起玩，大约一分钟后，他旁边的那个女孩，

in a white shirt and a pink skirt, stood up, put her hands on her hips, and said, 'Yeah, why do you look so different?' And I went, 'What are you talking about? I don't look different. I'm not short. Again, let's just play.' About this time, I looked all around the circle I was in, and all the kids had stopped playing and they were all looking at me.

穿着一件白色衬衫和一条粉红色裙子，站起来，把她的手放在臀部，然后说：“是的，你为什么长得这么不一样？“我就去了，“”你在说什么？我看起来没什么不同。我不矮。再说一遍，让我们一起玩吧。“大约在这个时候，我环顾四周，所有的孩子都停止了玩耍，他们都在看着我。

And I'm thinking -- in today's language, it would be 'OMG' or 'WTF.' What just happened? So all the confidence that I went in with that morning was withering away as the morning went on and the questions kept coming. And at the end of the morning, before I went home, the teacher had us in a circle, and I actually found myself outside of the circle.

我在想--用今天的语言来说，它将是“OMG”或者“WTF”刚刚发生了什么？所以，那天早上我和她在一起的所有信心都随着早晨的推移和问题的不断出现而凋谢了。到了早上，在我回家之前老师让我们围成一圈，实际上我发现自己置身于圈子之外。

I couldn't look at anybody. I could not understand what just happened. And over the next few years, I hated to go out in public. I felt every stare, every giggle, every pointed finger, not the finger, but every pointed finger, and I hated it. I would hide behind my parents' legs like nobody could see me.

我不能看任何人。我不明白刚才发生了什么。在接下来的几年里，我不喜欢在公共场合出去。我感觉到每一次凝视，每一次咯咯笑，每根指尖，不是手指，但每一根指尖，我讨厌它。我会躲在父母的腿后面，好像没人能看见我一样。

And as a child, you can't understand another child's curiosity, nor an adult's ignorance. It became very apparent to me that the real world was not built for someone of my size, both literally or figuratively. And so I have no anonymity, as you can probably tell, and while you can see my size, we all go through many challenges through our lifetime.

当我还是个孩子的时候，你不能理解另一个孩子的好奇心，也不是大人的无知。对我来说很明显的是，现实世界不是为我这么大的人而建的，无论是字面上还是比喻上。所以我没有匿名，你可能知道，当你看到我的尺寸时，在我们的一生中，我们都经历了许多挑战。

And some you can see, like mine. Most you can't. You can't tell if someone's dealing with a mental illness, or they're struggling with their gender identity, they're caring for an aging parent, they're having financial difficulty. You can't see that kind of stuff.

还有一些你可以看到的，比如我的。大多数你都做不到。你不知道某人是否在处理精神疾病，或者他们在为自己的性别认同而挣扎，他们在照顾一个年迈的父母，他们有经济困难。你看不见那种东西。

So while you can see one of my challenges is my size, seeing does not mean you understand what it's truly to be me on a daily basis, or what I go through. And so I'm here to debunk a myth. I do not believe you can walk in someone else's shoes, and because of that, we must adopt a new way of giving of ourselves.

所以当你看到我的挑战之一是我的尺寸，看到并不意味着你每天都能理解我的真面目，也不知道我经历了什么。所以我来揭穿一个神话。我不相信你能穿别人的鞋走，正因为如此，我们必须采取一种新的给予自己的方式。

Simply stated, I will never know what it's like to be you and you will never know what it's like to be me. I cannot face your fears or chase your dreams, and you can't do that for me, but we can be supportive of each other. Instead of trying to walk in each other's shoes, we must adopt a new way of giving of ourselves.

简单地说，我永远不会知道成为你是什么感觉，而你永远不会知道成为我是什么感觉。我不能面对你的恐惧或追逐你的梦想，你不能为我这么做，但我们可以互相支持。而不是试图为对方着想，我们必须采取一种新的给予自己的方式。

I learned at an early age that I did have to do some things different than most people, but I also learned there were things I was on equal footing with, and one of those was the classroom. Heh, heh, heh. I was equal. As a matter of fact, I excelled in the classroom.

我在很小的时候就意识到我必须做一些与大多数人不同的事情，但我也学到了一些与之平等的东西，其中之一就是教室。嘿，嘿，嘿。我是平等的。事实上，我在教室里表现出色。

This was vitally important, I discovered as I grew older and realized I wasn't going to be able to do a physical job. I needed an education. So I went on and got a university degree, but I felt to be one step ahead of everyone for employment, I needed to have an advanced university degree, so I went ahead and got that.

这很重要，我发现，随着年龄的增长，我意识到我将无法做一项体力工作。我需要教育。所以我继续攻读大学学位，但我觉得比每个人都快一步，我需要一个高级的大学学位，所以我就去拿了。

Now I'm ready for my interview. Remember your first interview? What am I going to wear? What questions? And don't forget that firm handshake. I was right there with you. So 24 hours before my interview, a friend of mine who I've known all my life called and said, 'Michele, the building you're going in has steps.'

现在我准备好接受采访了。还记得你的第一次面试吗？我该穿什么？什么问题？别忘了那坚定的握手。我就在你身边。所以在我面试前24小时，我认识的一个朋友打电话给我说：“米歇尔，你要进去的那栋楼有台阶。“

And she knew I couldn't climb steps. So suddenly, my focus changed. In my shoes, I was worried about how am I going to get there? So I went early and found a loading dock and got in and had a great interview. They had no idea what I went through forthe day and that's OK.

她知道我爬不上台阶。所以突然间，我的注意力改变了。在我的鞋子里，我担心我怎么去那里？所以我很早就去了，找到了一个卸货码头，来到这里，进行了一次很棒的面试。他们不知道我今天经历了什么，没关系。

You're probably thinking my greatest challenge that day was the interview, or getting in the building. In reality, my biggest challenge that day was getting through the loading dock without getting run over. I am very vulnerable in certain situations: airports, hallways, parking lots, loading docks.

你可能觉得我那天最大的挑战是面试，或者进入大楼。事实上，那天我最大的挑战就是通过装货码头而不被碾过。在某些情况下，我非常脆弱：机场走廊停车场装货码头。

And so I have to be very careful. I have to anticipate and be flexible and move as quickly as I can sometimes. So I got the job, and in my current role I travel quite a bit. And travel is a challenge for all of us these days. And so you probably get to the airport, run through security, get to the gate.

所以我必须非常小心。我必须预见并保持灵活性，并尽可能快地采取行动。所以我得到了这份工作在我目前的角色中，我经常出差。现在，旅行对我们所有人来说都是一个挑战。所以你可能会去机场，通过保安，到门口去。

Did I get my aisle seat or my window seat? Did I get my upgrade? Me, first of all, I don't run through anything. And I especially don't run through the TSA because I get to experience the personal patdown. I won't comment on that. And then I make my way to the gate, and with my gift of gab that my parents said I was born with, I talk to the gate agent,

是靠过道的座位还是靠窗的座位？我升级了吗？我，首先，我什么都没查过。尤其是我没有通过TSA，因为我能体验到个人的打击。我不会对此发表评论。然后我走到门口，我父母说我天生就有口才，我和星门探员谈过了，

and then I say, 'By the way, my scooter weighs this much, I have a dry cell battery, and I can drive it down to the door of the plane.' Also, the day before, I had called the city where I'm traveling to to find out where I could rent a scooter in case mine gets broken on the way.

然后我说，“顺便说一句，我的滑板车这么重，我有干电池，我可以把它开到飞机的门口。“另外，前一天，我打电话到我旅行的那个城市，想找出我可以在哪里租一辆摩托车，以防我的车在路上坏了。

So in my shoes, it's a little bit different. When I get onto the plane, I use my gift of gab to ask the lady to put my bag up, and they graciously do. I try not to eat or drink on a plane because I don't want to have to get up and walk on the plane, but nature has its own schedule, and not long ago, it knocked and I answered.

所以在我看来，有点不同。当我登上飞机，我用我的口才要求这位女士把我的包放起来，他们做得很好。我尽量不想在飞机上吃或喝，因为我不想在飞机上站起来走路，但大自然有它自己的时间表，不久前，它敲门了，我回答了。

So I walked up to the front of the plane and gabbed with the flight attendant, and said, 'Can you watch the door? I can't reach the lock.' So I'm in there doing my business, and the door flies open. And there's a gentleman there with a look of horror on his face. I'm sure I had the same look.

于是我走到飞机的前面，和空姐闲聊，说：“”你能看门吗？我够不到锁。“所以我在里面做生意，门就飞开了。有一位绅士脸上带着恐惧的表情。我肯定我也有同样的表情。

As I came out, I noticed that he was sitting right across from me, and he's in total, complete embarrassment. So I walk up to him and I quietly go, 'Are you going to remember this as much as I am?' And he goes, 'I think so.' Now, while he's probably not talking about it publicly, I am.

当我出来的时候，我注意到他就坐在我对面，他完全尴尬。所以我走到他跟前，悄悄地走了，“你会像我一样记得这件事吗？”他说，“我想是的。”现在，虽然他可能不公开谈论这件事，但我是

But we talked for the rest of the flight, and we got to know each other, our families, sports, work, and when we landed, he said, 'Michele, I noticed someone put your bag up. Can I get that for you?' And I said, 'Of course, thank you.' And we wished each other well,

但剩下的时间我们谈过了，我们认识了彼此，我们的家庭，体育，工作，当我们降落时，他说，“米歇尔，我注意到有人把你的包放起来了。我能帮你拿吗？“我说，“当然，谢谢。”我们互相祝福，

and the most important thing that day was that he was not going to leave with that embarrassment, that experience of embarrassment. He won't forget it, and neither will I, but I think he will remember more our chat and our different perspectives. When you travel internationally, it can be even more challenging in certain ways.

那天最重要的是他不会这么尴尬地离开，那种尴尬的经历。他不会忘记的，我也不会，但我想他会记得更多我们的谈话和我们不同的观点。当你出国旅行时，在某些方面，它甚至更具有挑战性。

A few years ago, I was in Zanzibar, and I come wheeling in, and think about that. Short, white, blond woman in a chair. That doesn't probably happen every day. So I go up, and with my gift of gab, I start to talk to the agent. So friendly, and I ask about their culture and so forth, and I notice there wasn't a jet bridge.

几年前，我在桑给巴尔我来到这里，好好想想。坐在椅子上的又矮又白的金发女人。这可能不是每天都发生的。所以我上去了，带着我的口才，我开始和探员谈谈。很友好，我问他们的文化等等，我注意到没有喷气式桥梁。

So I had to kind of say, 'Not only do you have to lift my chair, I could use some help getting up the steps.' So we got to spend about an hour together while we waited for the flight, and it was the most magnificent hour. Our perspective changed for both of us that day.

所以我不得不说，“你不仅要举起我的椅子我需要帮助才能爬上台阶。“所以在等飞机的时候我们要在一起呆上一个小时，这是最壮观的时刻。那天，我们的观点发生了变化。

And once I got on the flight, he patted me on the back and wished me well, and I thanked him so much. And again, I think he's going to remember that experience more than when I first came in, and there was a bit of hesitation. And as you notice, I get a lot of help.

一旦我上了飞机，他拍了拍我的背，祝我一切顺利，我非常感谢他。再说一次，我想他会比我刚进来的时候更记得那次经历的，有一点犹豫。正如你所注意到的，我得到了很多帮助。

I would not be where I am today if it was not for my family, my friends, my colleagues and the many strangers that help me every single day of my life. And it's important that we all have a support system. Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. We all need help throughout our lifetime, but it is just as important that we are part of other people's support systems.

如果不是为了我的家人，我的朋友，我的同事和很多陌生人每天都在帮助我。重要的是我们都有一个支持系统。寻求帮助是一种力量，不是弱点。我们一生都需要帮助，但同样重要的是，我们是其他人的支持系统的一部分。

We must adopt that way of giving back. We all obviously have a role to play in our own successes, but think about the role we have to play in other people's successes, just like people do for me every single day. It's vitally important that we help each other, because society is increasingly placing people in silos based on biases and ideologies.

我们必须采取这种回馈的方式。很明显，我们都可以在自己的成功中发挥作用，但想想我们在其他人的成功中所扮演的角色，就像人们每天为我做的一样。我们互相帮助是至关重要的，因为社会越来越多地将人们置于基于偏见和意识形态的孤岛之中。

And we must look past the surface and be confronted with the truth that none of us are what you can see. There's more to us than that, and we're all dealing with things that you cannot see. So living a life free of judgment allows all of us to share those experiences together and have a totally different perspective,

我们必须越过表面，面对这样一个事实：我们中没有一个人是你所能看到的。我们有更多的事要做，我们都在处理你看不到的事情。因此，过着一种没有判断力的生活可以让我们所有人一起分享这些经历，并且有着完全不同的观点，

just like the couple of people I mentioned earlier in my stories. So remember, the only shoes you truly can walk in are your own. I cannot walk in yours. I know you can't walk in my size 1s -- but you can try.

就像我之前在故事里提到的几个人一样。所以请记住，你唯一真正能穿进去的就是你自己的鞋。我不能走你的路。我知道你不能穿我的尺码1.但你可以试试。

But we can do something better than that. With compassion, courage and understanding, we can walk side by side and support one another, and think about how society can change if we all do that instead of judging on only what you can see.

但我们可以做点更好的事。带着同情、勇气和理解，我们可以并肩作战，互相扶持，想一想，如果我们都这样做，而不是仅仅根据你能看到的东西来判断，社会会如何改变。

Thank you. Thank you.

谢谢。谢谢。