Douglas的自白 #EachforEqual
#每个人的平等
#EachforEqual
Douglas的等号手势
Douglas's hands-out equal pose
Douglas的自白中英文以及配图由Douglas本人提供，作为这项活动的发起者陶理在征得同意的基础上，做了些标点符号和表达方式的修改，并且做了排版，也附上了个人评论。
我叫Douglas。
我想我从小就接受了最正统的应试教育，父母让我做一个没有感情的学习机器。
“不要交朋友，下课不要和人说话，作为一个女孩，不要爱美，不要想太多，不要分散注意力，只要学习！”
我没有自己的性格，自己的人格，自己的世界观......
中考那年母亲癌症去世。
父亲由于是母亲再婚后的继父，自然没有扶养我的义务，因为我有生父。
或许是因为我只是个没有感情的空壳，遭到巨大变故后，我不堪一击，支离破碎。
在我还没来得及修复自己之时，亲戚们对我的鼓励却是：
“要好好学习，要坚强，因为你是女孩子”
或者
“没关系你不用太努力，因为女孩子也不用成绩太好、不用优秀，否则就是强势，没人喜欢。”
三年高中，我飞速搭建这自己的人格殿堂，不知道是地基不稳还是建造太快，总是摇摇欲坠。
我喜欢黑与白，喜欢画画，喜欢纹身设计，喜欢暗黑且夸张服饰妆容。
我曾一头红发及腰，现在有四个纹身。
这是Douglas分享给我授权GEO刊出的一幅她的旧照
而所有人对我说的无非是：
“你作为一个女孩子，这样打扮好恶心，像妓女，没学生样，能不能正常点，只有不好好学习的路边混混才这样”
“你的画很美但为什么不加点别的色彩，看不懂一个女孩为什么要画的那么暗黑......”
“女生就应该端庄、安静、矜持、纯洁、美好、善良，不要穿的太浮夸，不好太暴露，不要太性感，不要留短发，不要染发，不要纹身，不要穿孔，学做菜，学打扫，生孩子......”
“嚯，疯狂的女权主义者！你不是一个好女人！”
这是Douglas分享给我授权GEO刊出的一幅她的画作
My name is Douglas.
I think I received the most orthodox exam-oriented education in China since my childhood. My parents told me to be a learning machine without feelings.
“don't make friends, don't talk to others after class, as a girl dont pursue beauty, dont think too much, dont get distracted, you only need to learn"
I did not have my own character, personality, or worldview...
My mother died of cancer in the year of my upper secondary school entrance examination.
My step-father had no duty to raise me as I have my biological father.
Perhaps because I was just an empty shell without feelings, after this huge misfortune, I was vulnerable, fragmented.
Before I had time to repair myself, what my relatives encouraged me were:
"study hard and be strong, because you are a girl”
or
"you don't have to work too hard, relax, because girls don't have to be too good, do not be outstanding, otherwise it is mighty, no one will like you.
In my three years of upper secondary school, I quickly built up my own personality, but I am not sure it were built too fast or in lack of solid foundation, therefore sometimes I feel like I may fall off.
I like the black and white colour, like painting, like tattoo design, like diablo and extravagant costumes makeup look.
I used to have red hair, and now four tattoos.
All the comments I got from people were:
"You are a girl, in such guise nausea, like prostitutes, not student, can normal point, only not good study road gangs! "
"Your painting is beautiful but why don't you add some colour to it? I cannot understand why a girl would to paint it in such a dark way."
"Girls should be dignified, quiet, pure, kind, don't wear too grandiose, not too exposed, not too sexy, don't have short hair, don't dye hair, don't tattoo, don't piercing, learn to cook, learn to clean, give birth to children..."
"Ooh, crazy feminists! You are not a good woman!"
陶理看完这段的感受：
Hermione's feelings:
我真希望能早点认识你，也希望自己在你身边，一定要抱抱你，一定要和你说点不太一样的话，告诉你：你在我脑中的画面是你就像是从漫画里走出来的主角，即使经历了一些痛苦与磨难，你依然是红发随风恣意飘扬的英雄。
I wish I had known you earlier, wish I can be with you, I will hug you and tell you something different: My mind image of you is like you are the leading character in a comic book, even you had some painful experiences and misfortunes, you are still a hero walking with red hair in the wind.
我不觉得你没有感情，相反我认为你是敏感也情感特别丰富细腻的人。所以你才会记得那么多细节，记得那么多别人对你的评价与所谓的“关心”。在我眼中，这些人是想控制你长成ta们期待的样子。这些人可能并非是真爱你的人，是爱可以被塑造成ta们想要看到的那个你，不过可能你也不喜欢这些人，那这样的话，这些人对你的看法就没那么重要，离得远一点。
I do not think that you are without feelings, on the contrary, I would argue that you are sensitive with rich and delicate emotions. That is why you can recall so many details, remembering so many comments and so-called "care". From my perspectives, these people may not all be people who truly love you, they may love the person they think you can be, but if you are not very fond of any people who gave you the previous comments, their opinions for not become influential to you.
以后不如就把时间放在自己喜欢的人和事情上吧？自己好好花时间选择合得来的志同道合者，携手同行，未来发展成家人或家人般的感情。
Why not spend more time with the people you like and the things you want to do? You can spend more time in finding people you share common goals or interests, going hand-in-hand with them, and someone maybe your future family.